trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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