Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
