I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
