GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
