Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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