i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
