I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
