Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
