yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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