i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We are all done wearing pants today
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
