so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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