Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
