just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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