perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
