Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
