you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
