broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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