I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
