Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
