Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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