I hope mine doesn't look like that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
