Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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