how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i believe in u and ur pee
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
