Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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