Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me