I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
