There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
