Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
