the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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