If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
