Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
