the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I smell stomach acid.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
