Don't make out with my wife yet
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
