what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
