we have pet lesbian snakes
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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