Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well