i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.