and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city