And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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