Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When are your genitals available?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You ate ashes out of my bong