I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.