I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
