Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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