Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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