I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
