Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
