Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize