I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
