don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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