I feel like abortions should bother me more
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
