she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize