put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
