so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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