I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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