that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
