your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
