im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
