my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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