Me too!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
