so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
