I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
