Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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