I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize