The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
