Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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