I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
