Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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