I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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