I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
pray to the hookup gods
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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