well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
