got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
