It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you inspire me to be a worse person
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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